Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Pilot:

Theresa awarded me a 'woman of the world'button yesterday, for which I am quite grateful. It is a compliment to say the least. However this potential woman of the world is bagged, overworked, has a sinus inspired tooth ache, and has had a rather frustrating day.

SOOOoooooooo

I am coping out and posting this very funny e-mail that we were sent by a friend. I hope you like it.

Theresa, I am going to do a proper post responding to you tomorrow I hope when things are a mite calmer.

Thanks.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet, "which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in wind shield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

There you have it. Hope you liked it. I did.

6 comments:

Beth said...

LOL!! Rocky! I love these!!! Thanks for starting my day off in the right direction!!

Beth said...

Loved it! My favourite was, "evidence removed."
Congrats on the "Woman of the World" button - and I hope the woman is feeling better soon!

Dawn said...

Those are very funny. I need to remember some of those for some of the complaints the kids come up with. Thanks for sharing.

oreneta said...

Bullwinkle, glad you liked them, I am still giggling when I re-read them...

Beth: Yeah, I am feeling better already...

Dawn: I can never remember these things when I want to...completely hopeless about that. Good luck.

sirdar said...

Those pilot things are pretty funny. I've seen a few of them in the odd email before...but they still make me laugh :LOL:

Congrats on being a Woman of the World. I would assume that is earth they are talking about?

Anonymous said...

Totally hilarious. Especially considering how much time I spend on airplanes. On another note quite offended you don't consider me a woman of the world ;-) guess who?