Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I have spent the day waffling. This is most unlike me.
I am usually profoundly, if not excessively, decisive.
I am debating going for the next level of Catalan classes next term. It would involve continuing the frankly grueling schedule that I have now. It would also include the continued rapid improvement in my language skills.
I am torn.
I love that my skills are improving, though I think my understanding is improving faster than my ability to speak and express myself, which was much needed.
If I don't take the course I can paint. I can consolidate what I have learned. I can go into BCN and go to galleries. I could cancel going to my painting class :-( and see more of my family :-) because I could paint in the day and not have to carve the time out with a painting class.
Mostly I could live my life rather than scuttle through it like I have been.
oh heck. I just don't know what to do.
If it isn't scheduled, the time will fill up with useless crappy bureaucratic nonsense that I could cram into less time like I am now...because you all know, as do, I that it takes phenomenal discipline to make these classes and activities happen all on your own. I study Catalan for four hours a day three days a week...will I do that otherwise? Absolutely not.
Then again I would have time to start with Spanish, which I really need to do as well.
Can you hear me vacillating? It's hard to miss.
Oh I hate these kinds of things.
I think in the end I probably won't take the class, and I think at some level I will be sad about that. But do I continue being desperate and exhausted and somewhat fraught for the rest of the year?...I think that isn't a good decision either.
Maybe I will dredge up the will power to do the work...or maybe I can schedule it somehow anyway..use one of the classrooms at work during the day to study rather than being here...but but but.....
The man is as usual being supportive of whatever decision I make, and leaving it entirely up to me. Love that one I do.
What do you think? I cannot say what I'll do, cause I sure don't know right now, but what do you think?