Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Debate



I have spent the day waffling. This is most unlike me.

I am usually profoundly, if not excessively, decisive.

I am debating going for the next level of Catalan classes next term. It would involve continuing the frankly grueling schedule that I have now. It would also include the continued rapid improvement in my language skills.

I am torn.

I love that my skills are improving, though I think my understanding is improving faster than my ability to speak and express myself, which was much needed.

But....

If I don't take the course I can paint. I can consolidate what I have learned. I can go into BCN and go to galleries. I could cancel going to my painting class :-( and see more of my family :-) because I could paint in the day and not have to carve the time out with a painting class.

Mostly I could live my life rather than scuttle through it like I have been.

but........

oh heck. I just don't know what to do.

If it isn't scheduled, the time will fill up with useless crappy bureaucratic nonsense that I could cram into less time like I am now...because you all know, as do, I that it takes phenomenal discipline to make these classes and activities happen all on your own. I study Catalan for four hours a day three days a week...will I do that otherwise? Absolutely not.

Then again I would have time to start with Spanish, which I really need to do as well.

Can you hear me vacillating? It's hard to miss.

Oh I hate these kinds of things.

I think in the end I probably won't take the class, and I think at some level I will be sad about that. But do I continue being desperate and exhausted and somewhat fraught for the rest of the year?...I think that isn't a good decision either.

Maybe I will dredge up the will power to do the work...or maybe I can schedule it somehow anyway..use one of the classrooms at work during the day to study rather than being here...but but but.....

The man is as usual being supportive of whatever decision I make, and leaving it entirely up to me. Love that one I do.

Oh crap.

What do you think? I cannot say what I'll do, cause I sure don't know right now, but what do you think?

8 comments:

Trish said...

Oh yes it's always so helpful when our men say 'they will support us in whatever decision we make'

My 2 cents? Take the semester off and paint.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Trish.
Take the time to do something just for yourself.
Your language skills won't disappear or go dormant as you'll be using them everyday!
Sometimes pushing too hard puts one on a frustration plateau where language skills "skid along".
Desperation sets in as it seems terrible that you're doing so much but without the expected improvements.
I'm convinced you need more time to relax, sleep and enjoy without feeling frazzled or guilty!GM

Beth said...

I suggest giving up the Catalan class. There is no way you are going to fritter away the free time it would give you - you are too disciplined and have too many other wonderful interests.
And you will feel less frazzled!
Feed your soul...paint, whatever...

Nomad said...

My 2 cents "A",
Take the time to formalize and really practice what you have learned (book learned) in Catalan...really use it and...
S-t-r-e-t-c-h it. Seek every opportunity to speak and practice, drum up a painting partner, museum partner (2 BOS) (2 BIRDS ONE STONE) whatever, rent few movies and watch them ceaselessly...all in Catalan, so you know what you know backwards and forwards. Rest paint and have fun, THEN go back when you feel ready. I think the book learning in language needs to keep pace with the practical learning..kind of like gestating a baby...my guess you will be almost as far along in 3 months that way as if you took lessons PLUS less stress and more fun...(AND you need to be a little gentle with your self!!!

My 2 cents "B"
Trust your instincts...

Love ya!

Beth said...

Rocky...paint...it's what makes you happy, what drives you...you don't have to "waffle" about painting...

oreneta said...

Trish, thank you...I do actually like it that he says whatever I think is best...if I pushed him he would manage a comment, but we let each other sort ourselves out and I like it....

GM: thanks for the advice, honestly...with all your experience learning and teaching languages I am sure you know what of you speak....

Beth: What rings true in what you commented--- frazzled, yes indeedy, I feel like miss Frizzle on a cranky day...and free your soul...thank you.

Nomad: You are also ahead of me on this learning curve so I am taking your words to heart...I have to confess you are right, the course I am in has been so intensive that the book learning has far superseded my ability to use the information...a gestational period is a good idea. I feel pressure though becuase it will be much more difficult to take the classes next year because of the kids and schools and timing....argh.

Bullwinkle: you rule, calling it just as you see it....your right, I never feel like waffling when I am painting...other things yes, but your so right.

Thanks everyone.

Theresa said...

In my experience, you advance more in a language by living it than by going to class. My Spanish improved big-time when I got out there and started using it. I suggest you take a break from Catalan and concentrate on something else for a while, and come back refreshed and ready to learn some more.

Sirdar said...

Sometimes life decisions are tough. I guess you could look at it this way. If you want to paint and not take the class...you would see how much you really miss the class. Don't miss it...you know it was to be that way. Miss it...you can still take it next time the course comes up. You are still young...and life is short so do what you want to do.

(I wish I could follow my own advice...)