Saturday, December 11, 2010

Sometimes being a parent means being the bad guy

That's right isn't it.  Sometimes you have to be the bad guy as a parent.  Whether it is saying no to bad behaviour, to silly decisions or having to make the tough and unpopular call.

The current tough harsh call?  One of my kid's friend's parents (are you with me here) is being...ah.....extremely casual about the safety of my child.  Extremely.

Bad enough that I am wondering if they are high when they are making their decisions.  Honestly.

Bad enough that I don't even know where to start talking about what has happened and what is OK with us.  No idea.

Sadly, after today, the friend will be able to visit at our house, but our child will not be visiting theirs.  I believe that this will make the man and I the 'bad guys' in the eyes of our child, her friend and her friend's parents.

Much better than the other possibilities that could have happened today.

Holding my child's safety far too loosely.  Bottom line.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry to read about your problem. Hope you stick to your guns and succeed in convincing your child you know what you're doing and why. A tough one! GM

Kim said...

Yikes! But when it comes to safety, there is no room for bargaining. At least you've given them the option of having the friend at yours. Better to be a meanie than regret. I hear ya, though.

kate said...

Always best to follow what your heart or your gut tells you - there are no rules about how to parent but in the end you have to live with yourself and know you did your best. Hope things ease out Kate

Mother Theresa said...

You made the right choice, better safe than sorry. Your kids may not understand now, but they will thank you for it later, and who cares what the other kid's parents think...if they are so irresponsible I imagine you're not friends with them anyway, so let them think what they want.

Anonymous said...

I always figure - better them hating me and making it to adulthood...than...

well you know the rest....

Sorry... sounds tough. I sympathize.
Much the same stuff going on here...same sh*t different pile.

Stick to your guns. I have great respect for my parents when they took the hard line, of course I deeply resented it at the time...but I also got over it. C u soon!

Nomad

oreneta said...

I think that she does get it, but it is still so horridly uncomfortable for everyone. Blah.

Kim, indeed, better a meanie than regret. Without a moments doubt.

Kate, thank you, I hope they ease up indeed.

Mother T, um, no, I'm not friends with them. Not enemies either, but it is baffling.

Nomad, indeed. Same sh*t, different gravy!

Cu soon indeed.

J.G. said...

If the other parent can't care enough to make a sensible decision, you have to do it for them. Your shoulders are broad. Good for you!

Helen said...

Of course parents are sometimes the bad guys. If they weren't there would be no discipline, no boundaries and no sense. Some things are up for discussion and some things are not - safety isn't an optional one. Stick to your guns

oreneta said...

JG, Honestly, I wonder if they are capable. What else is there to do?

Helen, indeed indeed indeed. Safety is not up for discussion, and youngest knows it and isn't fighting us on it at all, mostly simply disappointed that the problem has occured. Sad, but there it is.

elpadawan said...

I don't think youngest will see you necessarily as the bad guy. It'll just be another example for her of parents making the right call when it comes to their child's safety. Somehow, she'll remember it in due time ;)

oreneta said...

I think she does get that, she just isn't too keen on the reality.

Hula Girl at Heart said...

We had a similar issue. We finally dictated that TA's friend could come to our house any time but she couldn't go to her friend's. The parents didn't like it, but they didn't say anything (to us). It's still awkward, two years later, but we just couldn't gamble with our daughter's safety. Good luck!