Monday, May 26, 2008

Bring out your gore.

Ladies and gentlemen, bring on your broken bones and smashed teeth stories...time to bring out the gore...

In a complete break from the usual semi-highbrow art postings that I have been going on and on about, I though I would bring things down a notch.

I want to hear your stories of general mayhem...when you got the 15 stitches in your knee, when you busted your arm...whatever.

I'll start, it seems only fair.

All of my stories are kind of stupid I have to admit. I have never hurt myself when doing anything risky, maybe because I am paying attention then.

Hula mentioned in a comment, or on her blog, heck I can't remember, that she had broken a tooth. Well, so have of the front ones. I snapped off part of one of my front teeth, probably about four days after I got my braces off, though maybe it was a month. I was hit in the face by a boom, that low flying horizontal bit of metal on the bottom of a sail. Better than getting hit in the eye, but still things were crunchy for a while, then I spit into Toronto harbour, then they weren't. Then I went off to see the dentist.

Hmm, lets see, what else, I managed to get six stitches in my thumb, which is something of an accomplishment as they just aren't that big. I slashed it from the center of the pad at the tip of my thumb right straight down the inner face of it to below where it joins your palm. What exciting and dangerous thing was I doing? The dishes (loser loser loser, I can hear you chanting it). I was not even washing a knife. No, a mug. You see, I knock the handles off mugs with such blinding regularity, we have decided to keep using them handleless (is that a word?). Just so you know, file down the sharp edges if you chose to live on the edge like we do, the glaze is glass.

What more, what more...I broke one or more of those near infinite number of small bones in your wrist when trying to catch a falling mast. I stupidly stuck out my hand to try and catch the upper end of a falling mast when it was low enough I could reach it. Work out the physics of the weight and speed of a 30 foot mast that is near the terminus of a rapidly accelerating earthbound arc. This was needless to say, an entirely futile effort. I didn't go to the doc for at least six weeks; just because.

Oh, and I have a lump on my nose, which has never been confirmed as a break or not; when one of those angular metal clamp-on bedside lamps decided it wanted to become an in-bed lamp one dark night. Scared me half to death getting smashed in the face like that in the dark. Hurt like the dickens too.

Well, those are my stupid stories...I imagine I could come up with more, but lets hear yours...we could do this in comments, or as a voluntary meme, just let me know if you have used it as a post 'cause you have a particularily awesome story...OH, I just remember the wipe out I posted about last year..gory photos and all! (I basically just fell over, it was very impressive)

So, come one, come all, bring out your gore!


hulagirlatheart said...

My, my, where to begin? There was the horrible bike wreck at age twelve that practically knocked off my kneecaps. Under the skin of my right arm are cinders from an ATV accident when I was thirteen. Last year I was running and fell on the asphalt, leaving a huge scrape on my right knee that turned into a scar. And right before Christmas I had to have stiches in that webbed part of my right hand between the thumb and forefinger where I tried to open a box with scissors...and missed. The broken tooth was icing on the cake. I don't even know how I broke it. It came out of my mouth while I was chewing a potato chip.

Beth said...

Well, this post got me thinking. No broken bones, no gore, no stitches (knock on wood) but many, many falls.
On the ice, in the lake, on cement, over the dog, into prickly bushes, through a chair...I could go on and on.
Conclusion? I'm clumsy. (And perhaps my balance is slightly off?)

I have also concluded that sailing can be dangerous.

mmichele said...

I hardly dare say it, but I have never, ever, ever had a gory injury. Ever. Not one stitch or broken bone or sprain or extra bit of blood.

I did shut my finger in a door once.

Shh... don't want to ruin my lucky streak.

elPadawan said...

watch my Sunday June 1st post, 23:59 EST. Don't tell anyone, I wrote about such an event for the Café-blogs I will be going to next Sunday. And believe it or not, I never broke anything until... well... last month :D.

I got some stitches on my left eyebrow when I was four. Nothing broken, though. I was fighting a cub, and... erm... yeah, I knew you wouldn't believe me. Jumping on a couch, and stupidly falling on the corner of the low table that was in front of the couch. Here goes the story of my first ever scar.

oreneta said...

Hula, you reminded me of the time I fell off my bike and got temporary amnesia! I was about 12 I think. I remember coming home from the hospital and seeing the note to my Mom that we had gone, but I cannot remember the accident, nor the trip home, nor to the hospital, nor any time there. Weird.

Beth, you may conclude that your clumsy, but you seem to bounce pretty well to if you have so few injuries to show for it....

Mmichele, you reminded me of when I slammed my thumb in a car door and (gore alert) pulled it out without opening the door - I was standing in traffic - I peeled the nail off from the bottom up...I remember THAT! It is still warped, man it hurt for a long long time.

elPadawan, I thought of that fall when I posted, how are you feeling now? You reminded me of the stitches I got in my head when I jumped up under the fridge door handle when I was four...I think there were four of them....

Wow, I seem to be the biggest klutz out there!

elPadawan said...

not too bad, it still aches when I stretch my arm, but now I can stretch it ;). And the skin grew back, though it's "white skin" that I have to shelter from the sun if I don't want an "immediate red sunburn" patch in the middle of a naturally lightly tanned arm. What a wonderful invention. Skin, that is.

oreneta said...

Yeah, skin is goo stuff, nice to have around, so to speak.

dawn said...

Wow, what a great idea for a post. I might have to do that one time. I don't have really gory things about me, but Sirdar has an ankle photo on his blog last July around the 12th when he sprained it. That is disgusting. Just do a calender search on his side bar. His mom's face was really gory the other night after being hit by the truck. It had a lot of blood on it, her nose was broken and glass in her forehead. I did think of taking a photo, and will be telling my family if anything like that happens to me and I survive, I want photos, so I can see how bad it was. I am gory at heart and we have photos of all the gory injuries the kids endured. I am thinking I could do a series on gory injuries with the story that goes with it. Thanks for the idea; when things settle down, I may just start that up.