Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Sadness

Someone my husband and I know has committed suicied.

I cannot say that he was a friend, and my husband knew him much better than I did, but it is still stunning.

He was a wonderful person from what I knew of him, kind, funny and strong, he was married, had two step-kids who he treated as his own and had parented for years, they had a boat and a decent job and to the best of my knowledge appeared happy even days before the event.

I don't know why. I don't know if anyone ever knows why.

It keeps reappearing in my mind and has for a day or two now; stunned. Last time I spoke to him he was telling us about his daughter's halloween costume, she was dressed all in pink with a giant shoe on her head, a piece of gum about to be stepped on...

It seems less funny now.

While I was having a lovely Saturday afternoon, he was killing himself.

All those people....

21 comments:

Beth said...

I hate to think of someone having felt so sad, unhappy and alone so that suicide seemed the only option.

Helen said...

There are few things worse than knowing a suicide because one always thinks one should have seen or done something. Mostly though they are people who are mentally ill, in ways which are hard to define and hard to see because their concealment is so complete. Much harder for those left behind to recover from because there are always the questions which illness, accidents and even murder don't leave in their wake.

Anonymous said...
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oreneta said...

Beth: I suppose with anything like this it is always very difficult....if we had only known.

Helen: I feel so bad for the kids, and his wife. It would be profoundly devastating.

Jose: Thank you so much for your comment. Hugs to you all as well. It is so horrid.

Dorky Dad said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. Words can't express it.

I've had a loved one commit suicide and leave behind a child. A terrible thing to do, really. But then people in that condition are very sick.

oreneta said...

DD: Thank you...it is simply hard on everyone...

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candace said...
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oreneta said...

Anonymous said...
Hello,yesterday Wednesday August 1,we payed the last respects to our dear friend,the big Anglican Church was packed with people,family,friends,sailors,etc Joel and myself went. The family was reunited to say good bye.We still in shock and refuse to believe that this happened to him.¨Lucho¨as I used to call him at work seemed so strong,so happy all the time with a smile ,all the time trying to help ,all the time nice to everybody,we were making his brand new spinnaker,when we found out the terrible tragedy.Last thursday ,he went to the loft,my wife and I were working in another spinnaker, and he came directly to us,Hola Chiquita he called my wife,and a said something back to him,he graved me and gave a big kiss in my face,we laughed ours heads off,and we kept on working.I did not notice nothing wrong ,even my wife asked him :How are you?And he said wonderful.He was fine every time,so that why is so hard for every body to believe he is not here in this world anymore.I sent an email to your husband to let him know.He was also in shock. My oldest son,has been sailig with him in his boat,in a few regattas,and he is devastated,we are all feeling the same way,with one and only question WHY?A big hug.
PD,your husband is coming tomorrow,very good,very good.

oreneta said...

Anonymous said...
I knew him, I worked with him for years. I was his partner at work for about a year.
Funny thing, I to about 2 weeks ago was in that same hell as he was last weekend.
I pulled through it. My friend didn't. Yes we are sick.
My prayers go out to his family.

oreneta said...

Anonymous said...
He had everything, loving wife, wonderful and gifted children and a adventureous life on the water.

He gave it all up, decided to end his life with no regard for his family, his friends and his business associates.

For those of you who feel your life is empty, look around and say to yourself " what effect will my actions have on my loved ones"

August 6, 2007 6:31:00 AM PDT

oreneta said...

Anonymous said...
i think it is in very poor taste to post the details of poor ....'s passing without knowing the true reasons or his thoughts for doing such a thing. i also wonder what his dear mother and father would think of this being broadcasted all over the net? think about how it will affect his wife and children.

oreneta said...

candace said...
I am a former girlfriend who remained close friends with him, up until I moved a year ago. He had a lot of psychological issues going back many years. He was the most wonderful man in the whole world He gave 150% of himself to everybody, everyday, you have no idea how exhausting that is on a human being.Many times when he came home or when we were alo0ne he would just crash, hard. He never wanted to disappoint anyone, ever, so he sacrificed a lot of his personal life and personal happiness to help others and keep everybody happy. But inevitably you have to disappoint someone and that killed him. I know that it seemed like he was always happy,but He was very insecure underneath all of the smiles and jokes. Sadly he never realized what an amazing person he was. I tried to get him help while we were together, I wish now that I tried harder. He wasn't trying to hurt anyone, I know him and the way he thought, he probably thought everyone would be better off without him. Please remember him for the amazing man he was, not how he ended his pain.

August 6, 2007 10:13:00 AM PDT

oreneta said...

Anonymous said...
Oh my God,if I had the chance to change that last thursday,when ¨Lucho¨,He indeed,came to the loft and ask him :you have a problem maricon????And he would say ,Chico everything is fine,Iwould left my heart believing he was fine,and he was fine.At the other end,my two sons,were painting an spinnaker he had given to them in order to put some logo of my three kids,they were trying to do some video of their musical group in association with his boat.Michael tried very hard to get in touch with him,that friday and saturday.he never replied.Reading your comments of his last years,I only have to say he was the type of guy ,he kept a lot for him self.Joel And myself were trying to teach him how to put those 29ers spinnakers together,He came one day and told me: if I can help you doing some second lay out in some sails,no problem.I gave some sails and he was happy to help me.He was always good to me and my family and at work,it is very hard for me ,and my family to get it him out of our lifes.We love you Lucho.
PD.Thanks Oreneta to let me express myself in your blog,cariños to the family

oreneta said...

Anonymous said...
Candece,Iwould like to be in touch with you,I do not know how,my email is josequantum@yahoo.ca,best regards.

oreneta said...

Hello everyone and thank you very much for your comments. I was very surprised to see the number of people who had reached this site and who knew him.

In discovering the sheer number of comments that this post had received I investigated what else was up and was stunned by the amount of traffic that was coming to the site.

I am glad that so many of you were able to come here and express your feelings and sorrow at this horrible event, but I felt that in the interest of the privacy of everyone involved I needed to remove the man's name from the comments.

I wrote the post carefully so that anonymity would be maintained for everyone involved, and I have since discovered that this post is the number two site if you google the man's name. So in the interest of everyone, I have removed his name from all comments.

I hope I have not offended anyone by so doing, but it seemed for the best.

Please feel free to add any further comments that you wish, but please refrain from using his name to protect his privacy and his families.

Anonymous said...

how is this persons family doing?
how sad to have lost a husband and a father...................