Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Struggle

Today has been a struggle, to be frank. I woke up squashed flat, weighed down and blue about what I have to try and accomplish and how annoying so much of it is.

I think, or like to think, that I am a basically optimistic person, so that passed; but this day. OMG. I feel like an elastic band. One that is resting peacefully and contentedly between a couple of pegs, and someone keeps coming along, stretching me down down down, then I boing back up again, wobble around uncertainly for a while, and return.

Then someone rolls along and stretches me way up, and I am happy as all get out,(for instance I will not have to teach that extra course starting fairly soon!!!) then I snap back, wobble around uncertainly again till I regain my equilibrium, my balance.

That has been my day.

Honestly.

It is worse for Eldest though, her stomach ache is back and is quite painful. What I would give to make it go away. We have an appointment with a specialist for next week. That is a week of real pain for her before we can make the next move.

So depressing. The poor thing is a really good sport, and handles the pain very well. She has excellent coping mechanisms for this, but it is not something you want your child to learn. I also wonder what the longer-term effects will be. She has lost her trust in her body to some extent, and at times really dislikes it, not on an aesthetic level, rather in the sense that it betrays her. This I find almost more sad than the actual pain; though that is not much fun either.

Sh*t.

So now, I am sitting up late, waiting for the pain medication to kick in for Eldest so she can go to sleep.

12 comments:

Jocelyn said...

Your elastic band description made me hurt for you. Crud.

I know what you mean about not wanting your kids to have to learn certain kinds of coping.

Hang in there, sweets.

Trish said...

watching ones child in pain has got to be the worst thing for a parent! And I totally understand the anguish at seeing them have to employ coping mechanisms...I know we all have to and it is part if being human...but it chips away at their innocence and that is hard to witness.

Beth said...

Great metaphor for the ups and downs of life - emotional, physical, etc.

I really hope that specialist can discover what is wrong with your eldest. It is frightening to see your child in pain. Moms are supposed to be able to make things right - to feel helpless hurts. She sounds like such a trooper but still...
Hugs and love to both of you.

Anonymous said...

I had so hoped the problem with eldest had been solved/gone away!
Your description of the jo-jo emotions one goes through some days is so true.
I've had a couple that wore me out without my being able to solve a single blooming problem.
Learning to read the signs of what people mean from what they say is mentally exhausting and ASOLUTELY NOT THE WAY I WANT TO COMMUNICATE.
The longer I live in Riga the more difficult it's becoming.
The straight up front approach is considered brash and American-naive.
This gets my hackles up but it's impossible to fight!GM

elPadawan said...

really nice description you made. I hope that everything will soon be better for both of you. Well, the optimistic part of you will lead all the family towards clearer skies ;)

Dorky Dad said...

I hope that she will be better really soon. It's much harder seeing your child go through pain than it is actually going through it yourself. I think.

sirdar said...

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Hope things get better soon. As for your daughter, I hope it is something simple...like an appendix. Lets hope it is something that won't take much effort to correct.

dawn said...

Oh that is terrible. It is awful when our children hurt and we can't fix it. I sympathize with your plight and hope things get better quick.

Lynda said...

Hello poppet, there certainly are days when it all seems too hard. All we can do is put one foot in front of the other and hope that it gets brighter. Of course, nothing is right with the world when your babies are not in full working order. Big Cyber hug for you!

Theresa said...

Hope things get better soon for Eldest, because pain is a terrible thing to have to live with, especially when you don't know what's causing it.

Joanne PL said...

hang in there babe! I read somewhere that we all have a standard level of happiness that is kinda genetic, and that when things happen to us we are either more, or less happy for a while, and then we return to our standard level. Goes with your elastic band theory, but I found it quite frankly a pretty creepy in some ways, comforting in other ways theory. I mean creepy in that - what - no matter what happens we are the same "happy" from birth? Comforting in that - if we find ourselves in a seriously horrible situation - read prisoner of war camp - we still will keep our basic outlook and level of happiness in life (after period of adjustment). Hmmmm something to think about - although not sure if I buy it. Glad eldest is going to a specialist - hope they find out what is behind it at last. Our love to you all.

oreneta said...

To every last one of you, thank you very much indeed.

It helps.